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Chapter 85: "Never let me go" (NSFW)

Kim had spent most of the afternoon writing down important dates from her life with Shane.  Dates that only they would know.  It was amazing how many dates there were, let alone how easily she remembered them.

10-31-84: The first time they met -- at a Halloween party. 

12-24-84: The first time they kissed -- under the mistletoe at her parents.

4-26-85: The first time they made love.

12-13-85: The first time Shane proposed.

3-4-87: The day Andrew was returned to them.

The list went on and on.  The day she recovered her sight; the day they reunited after her trial for Emma's murder; the day Shane found Andrew; the day Shane returned from the dead.  Kim almost laughed as she tried to remember all the different times he asked her to marry him.  She even included the dates of bad events: their break-ups; the day Emma returned from the dead; the day she lost their second baby; the day Shane "died."  She even included 12-25-95, a day she wished she could forget, but couldn't.

Soon she had filled several pages with important dates and sent them by email to John.  Just the dates, no explanations of their importance.  Those were for her and Shane alone to know.

Of course, Hope and John were assuming that Shane would have considered dates from his life with Kim to be important.  That was probably just wishful thinking.  Years ago, Shane had made it painfully clear that he considered that chapter of his life over.  If he had selected a date, it probably had something to do with the ISA.  The date of some major bust, most likely.

Still, it was nice to think otherwise, to think that maybe he still considered their time together important.  For the rest of the evening, Kim founds herself dwelling on the list.  Assuming Shane's password did use some dates, which one would Shane have chosen?

She knew which date she would have picked.  It was obvious to her.  It was the day they first broke through their walls and admitted they loved each other.

Perhaps that was why, when Kim went to bed that night, her dreams took her back to that day in England, to that room in Donovan Manor, when they were lying on her bed, kissing, so close to making love for the first time.

Then she was pushing him away and pulling out of his arms.  Kim was telling him to wait and he was asking what was wrong.

"I'm not sure this is right," she said, as she tried to catch her breath.  Her insides were churning.  She was so confused, so torn between overwhelming desire and paralyzing fear.  It was not a fear of sex, oh, sex itself was nothing, or so she had spent years convincing herself.  This . . . This was so much more.

Shane had sat up and reached for her hand.  "Don't you care about me?" he asked in a voice so tentative, she almost melted right there.  He sounded almost scared to hear her response.

How could he even ask?  Of course she cared about him and she told him that.  That she cared so strongly for him was the entire reason for her hesitation.  The truth spilled out.  "I'm so afraid," she said, as she bolted out of the bed and grasped one of the posts on its end.  She could not even look at him.

From behind her, he spoke in the same nervous tone.  "I know," he said.  "Look, I'm just as frightened as you are."

"No, you couldn't be," Kim protested.  He couldn't understand.  He couldn't be as scared as she was.  And then he said what she had been longing to hear -- and what she dreaded equally as much.

"I love you."

She froze.  He must have risen from the bed, because he touched her shoulder and she slowly turned.  Their eyes locked momentarily.  "I know how that sounds," he said.  Then he looked down, nervous.  He caressed her shoulders and then looked back into her eyes.  She wanted to pull back; his gaze seemed to bore right through her.  And it terrified her.  But he did not let go.  He was talking, but she could barely hear the words as he brushed her cheek.  Almost against her conscious will, she leaned her head into this touch.  Then he was telling her how he felt when she had arrived at his home, and her hands were exploring his chest, again unconsciously.  "I'm a fool, Kim.  I've just been a damned fool not to tell you before now."

And even as her body began to melt into his, her mind still resisted.  "I have to be sure that you understand . . . that you know how to deal with my past, everything--"

He cut her off, pleading with her.  "Forget about the past.  That's over.  It's done.  It's just us.  Just the future.  I never want to let you go.  Never."  His fingers touched her lips and he never stopped caressing her cheek.  "Do you understand that?" 

It was so much to take in that she hesitated.  "Oh, Shane," she breathed.

Then he pulled back, worried, as if he had said the wrong thing when he had said exactly what she needed to hear.  He looked down, almost afraid, and nervously asked again, "You do care for me, don't you?"

In his eyes, she saw the same fear and vulnerability in him that she was feeling.  Maybe she was seeing deep into him, the same way she felt his gaze penetrating her.  She understood how difficult it had been for him to let the last walls fall, to let her in, and to profess his love for her.  And his strength in overcoming those obstacles gave her the same strength.  The last reservations fell away, and she smiled softly, saying what she had long wanted to tell him. 

"I love you," she said.  It was as if the saying those words carried away all of her fears.  "Oh how I love you."

This time, as he kissed her hands, she took the lead.  She moved past him, reclining on the bed, and pulled him towards her.  Nothing was rushed.  Whether it was his fear of frightening her again or his own tentative nature, they moved slowly, touching, kissing.  Each step of undressing the other seemed to take forever, but neither of them pushed, neither wanted the moment to end.

His hands and mouth seemed everywhere, each touch and kiss increasing her pleasure.  Her body burned, every nerve sensitive.  She could feel him, hard against her, and she wanted him desperately.  She was already so close; she needed him to push her over the edge.

"God . . . please . . ." she begged.

His hand slid along her thigh and slipped between her legs.  She ground against him as his fingers began massaging her.  At the same time, he kissed her along the neck and nuzzled her ear, all the while keeping the gentle pressure, pushing her to even greater heights.  He pressed a little harder and she felt everything let go.  Vision, thought, everything.  She was nothing more than the waves of pleasure that ripped through her.  She thrashed against the bed, against him, feeling the heat of his body.  As her senses returned, she heard herself calling his name.

"Oh, Shane . . . Oh . . ."

She looked up to see his face, the gentle smile and the soft gaze.  He was pressing against her again, so ready, and there was nothing more that she ever wanted.  She raised her hips to meet him and wrapped her arms around his back, drawing him forward and moaning as he filled her, their bodies fully entwined for the first time. 

He waited there, and she looked up again.  His face glistened and his hair was damp against his forehead, but she barely noticed that, so transfixed by his eyes.  The earlier pain and fear was gone; now she saw only desire, concern, and devotion, the demons of his past exorcized.  She could feel him, deep inside her and she tried to coax him on with her movements, but he remained still, his eyes still locked on hers.

"I want to remember this moment forever," he whispered.  "I don't want to ever forget how beautiful you are right now."

She smiled and cupped his face in her hands, drawing him forward into a deep kiss, breaking the spell.  They began to move together, coming together effortlessly, finding their rhythm.  His low moans mixed with her own.  His eyes never seemed to leave hers as their rhythm increased and her breath came faster, half-gasps that caught in her throat.  With each thrust, he pressed ever deeper.  Her fingernails raked his back.  Every motion, every touch, every kiss sent exquisite pleasure coursing through her.  They were moving faster now, ever faster.  She was getting close again, feeling that rising wave of pleasure, her body responding to every touch, every movement.  And then she was shaking and crying again, holding onto him as tightly as she could, and calling out his name.  And, almost in the distant, she heard his echoing cries -- her name -- as he found his release. 

It was over, but it wasn't.  He held her tight, still entwined as they both stopped shaking, neither wanting to let the moment end.  His strong hands brushed the hair from her cheek and he continued to kiss her, tender kisses accompanied by low whispers.  About his love for her, about how he would love her forever, about how he would never leave her.

And she whispered back as he curled against him, feeling so safe and protected in his arms.  "Never let me go, Shane.  Never let me go."

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Dec. 23rd, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
hot!
Now this I can agree with! ;)
jwsel
Dec. 25th, 2010 06:59 am (UTC)
Re: hot!
LOL. I'm glad there are some things we can all agree about.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )