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Chapter 36: Shane's Nightmare

They were arguing as they often did, but the arguments seemed to run together.  Kim didn't trust him; he thought she had no faith in him.  Or were they arguing about a secret he had kept for her?  It was never clear in this dream.

But then the walls between them dissipated.  Something happened and the arguing stopped.  They were embracing, kissing and Kim was smiling at him.  God, he loved the way her eyes shined when she looked at him.  Words could never describe her gaze.  It captured him, making her his willing prisoner.  He never wanted to pull away, never wanted to take his eyes off her, never wanted to let her go.

And then his arms were empty.  She was gone.

"Kim!" he cried.  "Kimberly!"

Behind him, someone laughed.  Shane spun around.  There was a figure across the room, no, not across a room.  They were outdoors, on a cliff.  The figure was on the other side of the cliff, near the edge.  Shane recognized him.  It was Victor Kiriakis and Alfred Jericho and Simon Prescott and Stefano DiMera, and so many of his other enemies from the ISA.  Each of them and all of them; they blurred together.

"Where is she?" he yelled.  "Where's Kimberly?"  He reached for his gun.

"She's right here, Captain Donovan," the figure replied in a British accent that sounded like Simon.  He motioned to his left, and Shane saw her.  Kim was near the cliff's edge, bound and gagged.  "Look down," said the figure.  Shane complied and, for the first time, saw the explosives at Kim's feet.

"You monster."  Shane started forward.

"I wouldn't do that, Donney," the figure said, laughing with the voice of Alfred Jericho.  "You've got a choice.  Come after me, and your wife dies."  The voice changed, now with an Italian accent and a booming voice.  "And so do your children, Captain Donovan."  This time the figure motioned to its right, and Shane saw Andrew and Jeannie, grade-school age, also tied with another pile of explosives beside them.  "So which do you choose, Captain?  The wife, the children, or your duty?"

Shane stood frozen.  Indecision held his feet firmly rooted in place.  Hang the job.  That was the reason he faced this Hobson's choice.  Duty, he could care less about.  It was nothing.

But how could he choose between his children and his wife?  He could not let Andrew and Jeannie die, but he could not face life without Kimberly.   If she died, he would crawl so far inside himself, he would be useless to his children as a father.  He would be little more than a shell.

Damn.  How had he let himself reach this point?  He had always known the danger of his job.  He had experienced the loss and the guilt before, when he believed Emma had died in an explosion meant to kill Shane.  Why hadn't he learned?

"So Shane, we're waiting," said Victor's voice.  "Do you choose to save your queen or your pawns?  Or do you capture the enemy king?"  He laughed at Shane's indecision, taunting him.  "Come now, Shane.  This isn't like you."

"Damn you," Shane shouted.  He looked at his children then at Kim.  Her eyes met his, and he could see her tears and the sadness in the smile she gave him.  In that instant, he knew she had made the decision for him.  "No!" he screamed, as the entire cliff exploded, the force blowing him back and enveloping him in a cloud of dust.  The sound was deafening , drowning out the voices of his children, but he could still hear the laughter -- the mingled cackling of his enemies as they continued to taunt him for his failure.

"Kimberly!"

Shane jerked awake so suddenly that, despite the mattress, his elbow slammed against the solid concrete floor.  He was covered in sweat and gasping for breath, as his heart threatened to explode out of his chest.  The cell never got particularly hot and he began to shiver.  He sat up against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest, waiting for his heartbeat and breathing to return to normal.

It was an old nightmare, one that had plagued him most of his adult life and one he doubted would ever truly go away.

He still could see the explosion, hear the laughter, and he felt the guilt over his failure as if the dream were real.  This was how he had felt when waking from the nightmare for nearly 20 years.  Yet this time, he had another feeling.  A profound sense of dread.  Like the nightmare was coming true.

Shane knew his family was in trouble, it was his fault, and, locked away in this prison, there was nothing he could do to save them.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Oct. 25th, 2010 05:01 am (UTC)
I wanted to thank you for writing Shane and Kimberly's story as it should have been written.... I have been a fan of theirs since high school and was heartbroken when they split them up.... I couldn't even watch DOOL after they paired Shane with Kayla, it was just sick too me... Unfortunately after reading some post this weekend, I went on you tube to watch some of the scene from the 90's and it just made me hate Kayla even worse... I was even disgusted with Shane and how he treated Kimberly during the Cal's kidnapping story line... So thank you for redeeming one of my favorite male character...
jwsel
Oct. 25th, 2010 07:42 am (UTC)
Thank you for the comment -- and for reading. I'm always happy to hear from readers. I'm glad I'm redeeming Shane in your eyes. He is by far my favorite male character from Days, and I would have liked his run on the show to have ended better.

I will admit that I have a somewhat different take on Shane and Kayla than a lot of viewers. I've actually tried to go back and watch as many scenes as possible from the 1990 and early 1991 period to see the development of the Shane/Kayla relationship. I found those scenes very interesting, and they changed my perspective on the relationship a lot. (Those scenes occur long before the Cal kidnapping sequence, which is possibly the worst written s/l during the eight years of Shane's and Kim's run on the show.) I won't try to detail my opinions here, but at some point, I will write a background essay on Shane and Kayla with links that I found illuminating, because the Shane/Kayla relationship will definitely be addressed in the fic. I should add that it may not be fully addressed until Kayla arrives for Alice's funeral, which is still a significant way off.

One thing I will say is that I don't think the destruction of Shane's and Kim's marriage was due to his relationship with Kayla, though it obviously made any reconciliation much harder at the time. While it might have been possible for them to reconcile in 1991 or 1992, there was definitely an air of finality when Kim left in 1990, with both Shane and Kim admitting that they had little to salvage. I also believe that both Shane and Kim bear some responsibility for the marriage falling apart and their failure to reconcile. I know a lot of viewers consider Kim to be a victim, because of what happened with Shane and Kayla, but I think Kim and Shane share responsibility for their marriage falling apart well before Steve "died," and I hope to explore that a bit in the fic.

I hope you'll be patient with me, even if my views on those events do differ from yours.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )